Forgetting
by athousandtrees
Summary: Kurt wants to forget about what just happened, and wants to remember what's happening now. Rated T for some cussing/swearing. Kum, Klaine and Raine. Set during Rachel's party in BIOTA.


It was as if the colour in the world had faded away.

Kurt had sat in between Blaine and Rachel when it happened, it happened right in front of him, where he could see every detail of how much _pleasure_ and _enjoyment_ went into it. How their lips lingered touching longer than what deemed appropriate for two people who knew each other through a mutual friend; the friend being Kurt, who now sat still as they stared each other before Rachel shouted,

"I think I've just found my new duet partner!"

Though Rachel was sat incredibly close to him and even rested her head against his shoulder, the words echoed as if far away, and before his mind began seeing life in real time once again, everyone had left the spin the bottle circle and were watching Rachel and Blaine sing to each other on Rachel's pathetic little stage in her basement; with lights and microphones and everything a girl could possibly want when she had two gay dads who gave her everything.

Kurt swallowed harshly. It had seemed as if he had moved from the circle and was now sitting on his own in a chair apart from the others. He understood that he had not got to the point where he loved Blaine, but he really _really_ liked him, that was for sure. Every time he smiled or even said his name his heart fluttered and his cheeks burned red whenever he came close enough that Kurt could imagine kissing him. The last time he really felt that way was with Finn, his now step-brother in which those feelings completely diminished.

Not that long ago, when Blaine had told him that he didn't feel the same way as Kurt felt, his eyes stung and his mouth hurt whenever he tried to smile. He really had been kicked in the stomach by this kid but he wasn't angry. Blaine had every right to not like him back; he was a very high standard according to Kurt. He was talented, friendly and _beautiful; _he really should have been expecting an answer like that.

Kurt had fallen, Blaine had not.

Yet Kurt could not help leaning on every word Blaine ever said, staring into his eyes and mouthing the lyrics whenever Blaine had a solo, which in fact was _all the time. _Kurt would not correct you if you said he even idolized Blaine a little. You know what Blaine was? A positive gay male role model. He was what every gay teenager wanted to be, he had everything they wanted to have; he was the result of a gay teenager's journey. To have someone like that in your life to guide you to become like that too, well, Kurt was thrilled.

But as Kurt watched Blaine and Rachel kiss, it was as if Blaine had been knocked from the top of that pedestal he was on; he was no longer that person Kurt looked up to because when you know that your best friend really genuinely has feelings for you, you don't kiss someone that best friend has had a love/hate relationship with right in front of them. You don't talk about being out and proud and feeling unashamed of being attracted to boys and then suck the face of a girl. You don't go to the Gap in the shopping mall and sing your heart out to a boy you really like because _you like boys _and then take pleasure in pressing your lips against a girl's lips you don't even know properly. You don't politely turn down a boy who is head over heels for you and then pull his heart out of his rib cage and onto a spike for all of your friends to see.

Blaine became ugly and talentless and mean.

It was a game of spin the bottle, so Kurt had prepared himself that Blaine may have to kiss others. That's what happened in spin the bottle. But the pleasure and the lingering and the tongue and _singing a fucking song to each other afterwards_ really angered him.

It angered him to the point of standing and stomping up the stairs of Rachel's basement and heading for his car. No one had even noticed. Rachel and Blaine were still singing on the stage and Blaine hadn't even bothered to look at Kurt.

He may have been leaving now, but he realized that Kurt being present had left Blaine's mind when the liquor had entered Blaine's system.

Once he had reached the top of the stairs and closed the door to the basement behind him. He could still hear muffled music and singing and his eyes began to sting like that time in the Lima Bean when Blaine had rejected him. The house was dark and Kurt realized he had no idea where he was; all he knew was that Rachel's fathers earned a fair bit of money, and that there house was very large.

_Where the fuck am I?_

Kurt could make out a long corridor before him and a light at the end of it, the sound of talking and rummaging there too. He walked towards it, hoping it was someone who could tell him how to _get out of this place._

Yes, Kurt was Blaine's drive home, but who gave a fuck?

He had arrived to the light which was in fact the kitchen, where the black marble counters sparkled and shined and pictures of Rachel were stuck all over the refrigerator with magnets. The refrigerator doors were swung open and a blonde boy was pushing food out of the way, looking for something.

It was Sam. It seemed he had made it out of the basement alive as well.

_Oh God that sounded horrible._

Sam reached for the food on the top shelf, his arms stretched and his shirt lifting a little to reveal the boy's well toned waist and pelvic area. Kurt raised his eyebrow at that, and decided to lean on the kitchen door frame and fold his arms, taking his time to get the boy's attention so that he could stare at him just that little bit longer.

Sam huffed and murmured to himself as he continued pushing food around the refrigerator until giving up, and closed the doors clumsily. He fell back but the counter caught him as he grabbed it and Kurt walked over to him. Sam only just noticed the shorter boy but didn't seem all that surprised.

"Sam, what are you looking for?"

"The bathroom, I think. I thought it would be here but I don't know where I am and Rachel's face is everywhere!" Sam said, slightly panicky. He pointed to the photos on the refrigerator. Kurt leaned on the breakfast bar and gave a little chuckle.

"That's the next room." Kurt indicated with his head. "I think maybe after the bathroom you should probably have a glass of water and relax for a while."

Sam nodded, more to himself then Kurt and swaggered drunkenly out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. Kurt heard him yell "I found it! It's been here all along!" which made him laugh again. He felt better already. He had completely forgotten about Blaine and Rachel.

_Oh, Blaine and Rachel. Fuck._

Sam didn't take long and he felt much better once he'd left the bathroom, as if he'd pissed alcohol and had sobered up a little. However, he still didn't walk in a straight line which made Kurt not even keep a straight face.

"Glass of water next, right?"

"It would seem like a good idea."

It didn't take long for Sam to find a clean glass and filled it and sat opposite Kurt at the breakfast bar.

"So since _I_ left to look for the bathroom, why are you here?"

Kurt looked at the black marble. "I was just leaving, actually."

"Oh." Sam seemed a little disappointed, which made Kurt's brow furrow in questioning. Sam licked his lips and sighed, taking a sip of his water again. "I feel funny. I wish everything would just slow down for a minute." Sam blinked a couple of times and tried to steady himself.

_I wish the same too._

"It's just the alcohol."

"Why are you leaving?" The topic suddenly changed back to that, and Kurt pressed his lips into a thin line before replying. Sam looked at him wide-eyed, his head cocked to the side and his hair slightly tousled. He was a handsome drunk.

"Just, not feeling too great. I ... umm..."

"Blaine's still downstairs. I could hear him with Rachel."

"I know."

It was Sam's turn to look at the kitchen counter. "Are you sad that he kissed Rachel?"

Kurt had completely forgotten that Sam had been there, only a few people between them. Sam had been very drunk at that point and Kurt knew he already couldn't remember kissing Brittany. Artie hadn't seemed to mind but Santana certainly had. She couldn't care less where Sam was now, much like Blaine as to where Kurt was. A thin tear rolled down Kurt's porcelain cheek.

"A little." He replied quietly, feeling ashamed that he would cry at something so stupid as this. It wasn't stupid before; it was the world's colour fading away, the words of others sounding like echoes, his heart being pulled out of his ribcage. But right now he couldn't think of anywhere he'd rather be. If he hadn't come across Sam he would be at home crying himself to sleep anyway.

He remembered when he first met Sam, before Blaine was ever in the picture. He had smiled a little at Sam's Dr Suess reference and was secretly delighted when Santana had spoken.

"_Oh my God he is so gay."_

He liked the way he had looked; those muscles, those eyes, _those lips. _Kurt decided he had to do a duet with him, that much was certain. He began to feel even more smitten when he got to know him, that he had defended him when Finn had tried to split them up.

"_I gave him my word."_

How he had genuinely wanted to sing with him and what that did to Kurt and his cheek bones. Sadly, his plans fell through and he ended up doing a duet with himself, and he watched aimlessly as Sam and Quinn held hands and sang together. Nothing much had happened between them after that. Sam was straight, and Kurt met Blaine and then left for Dalton where he would be undermined and under-appreciated, as were all the other Warblers – apart from Blaine that is.

Before he knew it, Sam had made his way around the breakfast bar and had pulled Kurt into a hug. Sam let Kurt wrap his arms around his waist, his hands resting on the small of his back whilst his head rested on the blonde boy's chest. Kurt could have sworn he heard Sam's heart beat a little faster, but he was momentarily distracted by Sam's fingers idly running his fingers through Kurt's hair, yet making sure not to ruin the style he had made it into not four hours ago.

Was it really that late already?

"Come on," Sam pulled away from Kurt and grabbed one of his hands. "Let's go outside. Rachel's got a really big back yard to go with her really big house. You should totally come see." He smiled at the brown haired boy, still swaying slightly from the intoxication.

Kurt smiled back at him, his eyes dry again. Their finger's intertwined as Sam pulled Kurt towards the back door at the other end of the kitchen, which led them to The Berry's very well kept back yard. Kurt remembered Rachel mentioning that one of her fathers loved gardening, but he couldn't remember which one. They walked further into the yard so that the back door light didn't bother them and lay down on the grass.

"Rachel lives in the suburbs, so there's less light pollution. Well, there's still quite a lot but not half as much as if we were in the city."

The two boys lay next to each other, faces looking up to the sky at the stars, which were much clearer than from where Kurt and Sam lived. Kurt had forgotten Sam liked to look at the stars; how science fiction was his life and how he loved to talk about planets as if he'd visited every single one. He closed his eyes, taking in the fresh air; it was a nice change from the stifling heat in Rachel's basement. He reckoned they all weren't partying out here because of the neighbours and the risk of ruining Rachel's father's precious flower beds.

Kurt looked at Sam for a moment as Sam stared up at the stars smiling, probably counting how many he could see.

"I don't think you should lie on your back. You're still drunk. I don't want you choking on your own vomit."

"I'll know when I'm about to throw up, don't worry."

They both fell silent once again and the breeze gently moved Sam's hair. Kurt's stayed perfectly still due to the copious amounts of hairspray he had used and always had used. As their eyes adjusted, the stars became a lot clearer and Kurt could tell that Sam was trying to focus, looking for a planet so he can point it out and show off his knowledge. Kurt really hoped that Sam would speak up again now; he liked how they lay there together, but it was becoming a little awkward.

"I'm a people watcher you know. Sometimes I just stand at my locker and watch. No one notices, well, Karofsky noticed once and I just missed getting my head kicked in."

Kurt closed his eyes. He really didn't want to be thinking about Karofsky in this moment of serenity, especially not Karofsky and violence, but those things went hand in hand.

"I watched Blaine; that time you sung at breadsticks with him and the rest of the Garblers...-"

"Warblers."

"Right. But I watched him, and I watched you and the way you looked at each other. The way he smiled at you was really funny. I wasn't really sure what to think of it."

Kurt raised his eyebrow at this. It seemed as though Sam had actually studied Blaine's facial expressions or something. But, he had never noticed it himself; smiling funny? He was right, what _was_ he meant to think of that?

"And then, when were at the Lima Bean together, remember? Santana was there and she invited me to tag a long and you were talking about a bird and how you were panicking about it because it looked like it wasn't eating or something. You genuinely looked sad and worried and I looked at Blaine and I realized what was so funny about his smile; he...didn't care. Like, he was looking around the place and wasn't really listening properly and he was _smiling_. You're not meant to smile when your friend is sad and worried."

Kurt stared at Sam. There was a few solar lights sat near the edge of the garden behind Kurt and they reflected in Sam's eyes as he stared back at him. He had no idea what to say to say to the boy. He didn't understand why Sam would be so interested in finding out why Blaine didn't care about him and if he didn't care about him, why didn't he tell him? That was a question to important not to ask.

"Why didn't you tell me that you saw that?" Kurt asked quietly.

"You seemed content with just him being there. Though he didn't care, you seemed happy and I didn't want to ruin that. But, now that he's ruined that all by himself, I thought that it wouldn't matter; I thought that you probably should know. I may be wrong but, like I said, I watch people a lot. There was no concern there for you, that's all."

It didn't feel like 'that's all' to Kurt. In fact, a sharp pain reacted to what Sam had said in Kurt's ribcage once again; the place where his heart had been pulled out.

"Do you love Blaine?"

"Something like that. I mean, I thought I did, I'm not so sure now." He said he had never reached that part, only really, really liked him. But who was he kidding? He was in love with him and surely feelings like that just don't disappear entirely. Sam shuffled a little until he was closer to Kurt and Kurt felt his cheeks burn once again.

"You'll find someone else, I promise." Sam smiled.

"How can you promise that? In regards to relationships, I've been alone my whole life. Even when I think I'm in with a chance, I'm still alone." Kurt sighed; that sentence sounded much less miserable and depressing in his head. But sometimes, when things such as miserable as that were out in the open, you felt better, because now, they weren't bottled up inside rocking Kurt to really believing it.

"I told you, I watch people. You may not believe me but I've seen people look at you, and it's not in a negative way." Sam grinned and Kurt laughed.

"You're lying! I've been pushed around my whole life and now you're telling me people eye me up?"

Sam laughed too. "I'm not! C'mon Kurt. You may be the only out gay kid at school, but you can't possibly be the only gay kid. There are loads of kids there, some of them have got to be questioning at least. And I'm sure they can't help but throw a suggestive glance at your way now and again."

Kurt ignored the last part and his laughing died down, Sam's too. He looked at Sam and he could have sworn he told his brain not to ask this but it seemed he had done it anyway. It was such an invasion of Sam's privacy and he would have gotten angry if it was Sam drunkenly asking him. But Kurt wasn't drunk, not at all, and he wondered if Sam would even remember this in the morning;

"Are you one of these questioning kids?"

Sam was silent for a moment, breathing heavily from his nose and looking up at the stars once again. He didn't seem angry or upset, just continuing blissfully in the moment they were in. Finally, before Kurt couldn't take it anymore, Sam replied.

"No. I've known who I was for a long time."

"And that is...?"

"Human."

Kurt smiled and rested his head on Sam's shoulder.

"Someone's gender doesn't tell me if a person is nice and loving and friendly. So, why should I take it into account? Why should I care? I've met beautiful women and beautiful men so, I don't care."

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to remember this in the morning?" Kurt spoke quietly, as if asking Sam about it might mean he would begin forgetting.

"This is the best part of my evening, of course I won't forget."

Kurt felt a kiss on his forehead and he sighed. Finn may have been the one to split them up but if he had just ignored him and done the duet with Sam. Where would they be now? Would he have ever transferred to Dalton? Or fallen for Blaine? He wouldn't have needed to, because Sam would have been right there to tell him he wasn't alone and he was worth so much more than what Blaine seemed to tell him. Smiling like he didn't care and telling him when and when not to do things; making him fit in with everybody else.

Blaine would forget everything in the morning. He would ask Kurt what happened and Kurt would say you had your tongue in Rachel's mouth. And when he would ask what happened with Kurt he would tell him he was with Sam, _remembering._


End file.
